Lawnmower Hell Revisited

Lawnmower Hell Revisited

Yesterday was the first try at mowing the lawn this year, and I had to do it with a brand new mower. There is something about spending two days under five feet of water that isn’t good for lawnmowers. I brought mine in last week and learned it would be $200 to get it in running order. I then inquired and found out that $269 would give me a brand new mower and that was an easy decision.

As I started up my brand new mower yesterday, I was reminded of the mower troubles I had a few years ago. This is my tale of woe from that series of events.

Lawn Mower Blues

Have you ever had one of those days? I’ve had a lot of them this summer. All I wanted to do was to mow the grass. Is that so hard? Well, sometimes it can be real frustrating. It all started this May when I pulled out the mower to do my weekly grass cut. Without going into details, it wouldn’t start, something was broken. The grass was long and needed cutting. I know that the mower can be repaired, but the grass wasn’t going to get shorter. I just didn’t want to mess with it.

I put the mower away and went to Walmart to pick out the cheapest mower they had. I don’t care about any features except one: Does it cut grass? That is all I care about. I don’t care about rear or side discharge; I don’t care if it has electronic ignition or pull start. All I want is a cheap mower. 

I picked out the Weed Eater which has a small Briggs & Stratton engine. Briggs & Stratton, they are supposed to make good engines, so how can I go wrong? Do you ever notice how many times problems start shortly after asking the question ‘How can I go wrong’? You are tempting fate just by asking the question. Anyway, I picked out the mower and a new gas can, I figured I’d start with a clean slate. 

The mower was in a big box, but because it was cheap ($130.00) it wasn’t that heavy. I was in a hurry to get the grass mowed so I didn’t feel like looking for a cart. I just grabbed the box and went to the Lawn and Garden Checkout. I got in line holding this big box. 

There were two registers but only one cashier because the other register was off-line. I went to the register which already had two people cued up. In front of me was an elderly Asian man with a cart full of plants he wanted to buy. In front of him was a 35-ish yuppy kind of a guy. He was buying a packet of seeds and a thing of deodorant. As the clerk rang up his purchase, the yuppy started throwing a fit because he claimed the deodorant was marked 50 cents less than the register scanned. The cashier said that they couldn’t leave the lawn and garden department so the cashier called for someone to do a price check and we waited. Ten minutes later, we were still waiting. 

The Asian fellow let me rest the boxed mower on his cart. He asked if we could check out on the other register but they said it didn’t work. I reached into my pocket and removed two quarters and plopped them down on the counter in front of the yuppie and said “Here’s your 50 cents. Now can you just pay and we can all check out?” He shook his head and slid the quarters back and said “No, it’s the principle.”  Now I’m hot.

I looked at the yuppie and said “You dope, you are holding everyone else up over 50 cents and we don’t give a damn about your principle” He responded “Its the principle.” I suggested that he was a selfish prick. 

The cashier called for a manager this time because now there were an additional five people behind me waiting while the yuppie kept muttering about the principle. A guy behind me with a bag of potting soil was fed up. He threw the potting soil against the wall, cursed at the yuppie, cursed at the cashier and left. A manager finally came - it has been fifteen minutes by now - and gave the yuppie the fifty cents off, even though she said that the yuppie was wrong about the price. 

I was annoyed. Daylight was fading and I’m still stuck trying to pay for the damn mower. Not a good start. The cashier kept apologizing for the delay and we all checked out. Time to set up the new mower and cut the grass. 

I bought gas for my new gas can and arrived home with the mower to set it up. I added gas and oil to it and it mowed the grass just fine. I put the mower away and was quite pleased with how it all turned out ... that is until the next time I needed to mow. 

It was a nice Monday afternoon in May and the grass was long again. I pulled my brand new mower out from under the house and was ready to start mowing. I admired how sparkling new it looked. The label says to prime the mower three times before doing a cold start. I primed it and pulled the cord. It started and ran for three seconds and died. Oh well. I repeated the process with the same result. If I didn’t prime it it wouldn’t start at all. If I primed it, it started immediately but only ran for 3 seconds and died. I tried everything I could think of. I removed the air cleaner, same result. I removed the spark plug and cleaned it with a tissue, same result. I tried 100 or so times, same result. 

How can this be? It is a brand new mower, brand new gas and even a brand new gas can. I uttered a few prayers and put the mower in the truck, grabbed my receipt and went back to Walmart. After demonstrating the problem, they let me exchange it for another new mower. 

I went home and set it up. Here I go again. I added the oil and gas and mowed the lawn. My new, brand new mower worked great. This mower worked flawlessly the next few months ... until...

On a nice Thursday evening in late August I pulled in the driveway. All day long I promised myself I’d do the lawn before I did anything else. I pulled the mower out and I was ready to get started. The lawn really needed mowing because we had a dry spell, followed by several days of rain. It got pretty long, almost overnight. 

I primed the mower, pulled the cord and it started. It ran for three seconds and died. Oh, no! Oh yes. Just like in May, no matter what I did, I got the same result. It would start and run for three seconds and die. Exactly the same problem as before. I tried for a half hour and no luck.

I didn’t know what to do and I was frustrated. I used the mower for almost three months and I was worried that the store wouldn’t do anything for me after so much time has elapsed. All I wanted to do was to get the lawn mowed! I was ticked. 

I searched and found the receipts for the original and the exchanged mower and called Walmart. I was afraid they were going to tell me that I was out of luck. I was given over to a manager and I explained the situation and gave her the dates on both receipts. At first she was talking about my bringing the mower to an authorized service center, but I protested saying I just wanted to cut my grass. After a few minutes, she authorized me to bring it in for a refund. She told me that because it was so late in the season, there were no mowers in stock. I was upset, but I thanked her for authorizing the refund. I returned the mower and they gave me a full refund. That was nice of them, but I still needed to cut the grass. 

I decided to try Home Depot. Their cheapest mower was a different brand but looked like it had a slightly larger version of the same Briggs & Stratton engine. Oh yeah, it was also $50 more expensive. I had a long talk with the manager of their Lawn and Garden Department. and explained the problems I was having. I said that I didn’t want to have similar problems with his mower. He said that he didn’t have any of them coming back with problems. He was at a loss to explain what was causing the problems I experienced with the Walmart mowers. 

I purchased the mower and brought it home. For the third time this summer, I had to set up a new lawn mower. I added oil and gas and pulled the cord. It worked and I mowed the lawn. What is it about my life? Even mowing the lawn is stressful. Hopefully, this is the end of the story, but with my luck this summer, you never know.

Floodwater addendum

That mower worked for a couple seasons and then got harder and harder to start. I was fed up with lawnmower difficulties and ended up going to a little lawnmower shop by the name of Kipps, and purchased a mower from someone who could keep it running for me. That mower worked perfectly until the Great Lisle Flood of 2013. I ordered another new mower from Kipps and picked it up Friday. Yesterday I started it up and began a new chapter in my lawnmower trials.

I know what you are thinking. You are wondering what I do to cope with all this frustration.  Here’s what I did to sooth my blood pressure back on that first summer night:

A quick little summer pasta

When I am frustrated on a summer evening I don’t want to do a lot of cooking. Usually I love to cook, but sometimes, all I want is to get the whole thing over with so I can put my feet up and relax. 

After the latest lawn mowing snafu was over and the lawn was mowed, I was hungry. I thought about ordering a pizza, but I didn’t want to wait. Next, I thought maybe I could get a frozen pizza,

but I really didn’t want to run out to the store to pick one up. I was hungry but I didn’t feel about bothering with this.

I didn’t know what to fix until I noticed a half a pound of spaghetti sitting on the counter. That prompted an idea. I took a tomato and an onion from the garden and got to work. This came out OK and I recommend it.

1/2 cup olive oil

1 large tomato, chopped

1 medium knob onion, chopped

1 egg

Cajun seasoning

1/2 cup grated pepper jack cheese

1/2 lb. spaghetti, cooked al dente

Preparation

Take a medium sized cast iron skillet and heat it over medium heat (I’m into medium today - I must be a moderate). Add the chopped tomato and onion, including some of the green parts of the onion. Let that sauté while you bring the water for the pasta to a boil. 

Once you start cooking the spaghetti, crack an egg into the skillet and stir it rapidly into the tomatoes and onions, so it becomes little strands of egg. Sprinkle the mixture with a little Cajun seasoning and remove the skillet from the heat. 

Drain the spaghetti and place it in a bowl. Pour the tomato egg mixture over the spaghetti and dump in the grated cheese. Stir the spaghetti until it is evenly coated with the mixture and it is ready for the table.

Serving

Take a pile of this pasta and place it on a plate next to some green beans sautéed with butter and almonds. Now all you need is some crusty bread, a fresh tossed salad and a good crisp white wine from Portugal. Turn your phone off, lock the door and enjoy your meal. If your day was anything like mine, you deserve this.